Midnight Sun: 13 Conflicts
by Subject1
Summary: Edward finds himself torn between what he believes is right and wrong and the girl he loves. This is Midnight Sun continued from where it left off.


**This is Midnight Sun from where it left off, I just continued it! This is my first time ever posting something I wrote so I hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer****:**_I do not own the story or characters. It all belongs to Stephanie Meyer!_

_If you read this I would really appreciate any comments! And thank you very much if you read this! Thank you, thank you! _

13. Conflicts

I was never going to have peace again. Not with Bella being as accident prone as anyone should ever be allowed to be. As I was driving back home, I felt anxious. I hated feeling anxious, but I could not help it; Bella always had me feeling anxious, every time I had to be away from her. Why did she have to be such a magnet for danger? It seemed like such a long time ago, when I was able to live my life, no pun intended, like stone. No feelings at all. The days when I could live my life, (if that's what you called a life) without the constant change and range of emotions that flashed through my head at an interminable rate. I was just as confused by myself as I was by the reactions and expressions Bella wore every time I was near her. Days when my family was not torn between two sides, always bickering and watching me with careful eyes, scrutinizing everything I did. Days when my thirst had been something that was always secondary in my thoughts and something I could control. The charade we all had to go through was our initial concern and I especially did not want to move from Forks now. Especially now when my whole entire reason for existing was now deeply asleep in her room, safe.

And I would live like this, a thousand times over again. I did not care that I could hear Rosalie's snide remarks about me. Her favorite scenario was her pounding my head into the earth so many times that I would be permanently rooted deep inside the ground as if I were one of the oldest living trees on earth. But I would just chuckle. It annoyed her even more.

But they just did not get me. Emmett and Jasper thought that I was crazy and should be put in an asylum. Nor could they understand what Bella meant to me now, and would always mean to me. Forever and ever. I would go through all this confusion and isolation from my family and pain just to hear Bella's heart beat once. Remembering Alice's vision, that I tried to push out of my mind but failing miserably, I scowled into the trees, seeing the dark humor in those thoughts of mine. Yes, Bella was a magnet for trouble….no not trouble, danger. She attracted danger the same way a moth was attracted to an ultraviolet light; she was the moth, and I was the dark light, the killer.

"No! I will never harm Bella!" I yelled to no one. My throat ached and burned as I said these words. I ignored it.

Bella was a magnet alright, and I was the biggest metal she was now pulling in. Pulled in, actually, but I, like the metal, would not harm Bella. We could easily attach together without any caution, on her part at least. I would be careful and make no mistakes…

I did not want to think about this. I did not want to think about it until I had to. No, I would never continue my thoughts on that subject. I had no need to. Bella deserved a better life, a better partner. Someone who could actually put their arms around her without worrying about crushing her. Someone who did not need to have extra helpings of animal blood just so they can contain themselves around her. Someone who was not a _vampire. _I flinched at that thought.

Until then, I thought selfishly, I would be her protector. Her vampire guardian, I remembered. I could not also help thinking, miserably, that no one would ever be good enough for her. Not Mike, not Tyler, and especially not myself. I would be the one who would destroy her the most.

Alice's vision suddenly came to my head faster than I could stop it. I locked it away as fast as I could.

But if I was going to be her choice, and I could not fathom _why_ she would pick _me_, than I would make myself available to her as much as possible. More than was needed. Hopefully, that would be for the rest of her life. What a feeble excuse. Whatever! it worked for me, and now that I thought about it, I did not care if I did not have a viable excuse. It made sense to me and that is all that mattered. That and that Bella was with me.

Mmmm…Bella.

I parked my car in the garage and headed to my room for a quick change. I still felt really anxious. Stupid. Why should I feel anxious? Bella is safe in her bed. Probably muttering away. Oh! If I could only know what she was dreaming about! Yes, Bella, accident-prone and frail…. was safe and warm… I hurried to my room, not even glancing at what I was choosing from my closet. Bella was too far from me. While I was walking out of my room, I saw myself in the long mirror by my collection of CD's. Ah, a light tan sweater and some dark blue jeans. I was not much a fashion enthusiast, but Alice was and she usually picked out what I was going to wear. I only wore them because I could hear her all her thoughts, which were always the same ones, "_I work so hard for everyone to keep the hazy future clear and they don't even appreciate it!_" Funny Alice, the façade she always put on when her heart was "broken" and "torn" always made me laugh. People never said no to Alice. Even _we_ could not say no to Alice.

Just as I was about to run to Bella's home, Carlisle caught me by the shoulder and stopped me. He wore a face with concern mixed with something I could not fathom. It was…I searched in his head. He was feeling…proud of me? I had not realized Carlisle was home. Why would he feel proud of me? What had I done to receive something I did not deserve? I searched through his head again.

"_I always knew he would know what to do. He always had his head in the right place. I am very proud to call him my son. Bella deserves him…"_

"No, I don't.," I said rather fiercely than I had intended to. "But it touches me to know how much confidence you have in me," I added in a softer tone. I gave him an apologetic look. I saw my face through his thoughts. It looked like I was torn. Well I thought my face looked sorry…

_"It does not have to end that way, Edward." _I saw my expression through his thoughts again. It looked like I was in pain. And I should be. I should be put to death. Well more than death. I should not _exist_. But Carlisle always found a reason to find something good in me, even if I did not deserve it. _"And you don't have to choose sides. We are a _family_, and we will always support you, no matter what and _who_ your choice_ is."

I nodded.

"_You'll see Edward. Everything will come out fine in the…end." _His voice trailed off.

I gave him one curt nod. I knew what he meant by the end. Again, I made sure that Alice's vision was doubled locked away. I turned to leave.

_"And Edward?" _I stopped and turned to look at my father. He was smiling. "Bella _does_ deserve you. And you deserve _her_ as well," he paused, "you and her deserve _each other_," he said warmly. With one last appraising look, and smiling widely again, he turned around and walked towards his office. I could not help but smile when he said Bella and my name in the same sentence. They seemed to sound….right, like they would _always _belong together. I shook that thought away sadly. "Always" was something that Bella and I did not have, for I would never jeopardize Bella's future because of my selfishness. I loved her too much. And I owed her my life, because if she did not exist, than I would cease to exist as well.

But Bella was a danger to herself. She needed someone to help her through hard times. Someone to watch her every single movement, just in case she stumbled across an open hole in the ground, and fell into it…Okay, my imagination was running away with me…but it did not seem so farfetched, now that I had thought of it, I _was_ talking about Bella after all…

I gave a loud sigh. My father gave me too much credit for my own good. I could not see how I would leave Bella now. Nor did I want an excuse.

As I walked out of my room, I ignored Rosalie's furious comments, (_"Idiot!" "Imbecile!" "Selfish!"_) ran downstairs and out through the back door. I had to laugh at her. Rosalie was calling _me_ selfish? Not that I did not agree with her, but I thought, childishly, look who's talking! I resisted the urge to go back and tell these words to her face, but I had more pressing and vitally important matters. Well one matter. _Bella_. I felt my face soften as I thought of her. So beautiful and yet she did not believe it when I told her. How could she not believe it? Well like I had thought before, she was going to have to get used to compliments from now on.

I started to feel anxious. Not the worry anxious…the…well I did not know what I was feeling. Some other type of anxious. The good one, since I could not describe exactly what I was feeling. It was like my body knew she was getting closer with ever step I took. I ran faster.

If I had a working heart, it would have skipped and thudded fast and hard, as her home came into view. I climbed up the tree near her bedroom window, opened her window without making any noise, (the oil had been a very good idea, I thought smugly) and entered her window as if I were the part of the air blowing in her room.

Seeing her sleeping and well made me feel elated. As I got closer to her, I felt that same electricity going through her and me. It was stronger than ever. I resisted the urge to touch her face. She said my name many times, and every time she did, my body yearned to touch her. But she was having peaceful dreams, I could tell from her face. She smiled at times, always saying my name afterwards. She woke often, but never saw me. Every time she was about to wake up, she gave it away; she would wiggle her feet, stretch her arms and flex her fingers, and I was always able to hide from view. As the stars started to fade away, and the sky got clearer and clearer, Bella suddenly cried out loud, "No Edward! Please don't leave me!" I felt my stomach twist and turn, and I hurried to her side, horrified because I did not know what to do. The urge to stroke her cheek was irresistible, and before I could find an excuse to stop myself, my left hand was stroking her right cheek, as lightly as I could. At once she calmed down, and started breathing deeply again, her heart beating at an even and slow pace. She smiled and did not talk in her sleep after that. It seemed that she was having a pleasant dream after that. I smiled to myself, hoping against hope that she was dreaming about me. Wishing for the millionth time that I could hear her thoughts.

As the darkness outside began to disappear completely, I decided, unwillingly, that I would go back home… and immediately come straight back to Bella to take her to school. I was finding it difficult to make up good excuses as to why I would take her to school. Which sounded more plausible? That her car would never make it? No, I could not use that excuse, she's been using that truck for a while now. But…something could have happened to the truck overnight… mysteriously …no one would ever know…no, no, no, I could not do that. What if she did not want me to take her to school? Hadn't I decided that I would give Bella options? She would choose what she wanted to do from now on. Not I. I arrived home in seconds.


End file.
